exist.

if we believe it exists then it must. for what we created in our mind is what we have created for our reality. what we imagine is what we believe, what we believe is what we are to become.

these moments..they are yours.

again, moments.
the nothingness we let slip between our gazes,
the still air we try to breathe within.
we think someday, maybe we will be able to catch the things we have let go,
to come up at a candid time where appreciation far exceeds our capability of understanding.
hold on.
press firmly with your fingers into the beauty,
inhale the exhaust of your hidden bliss.
put nothing off to another moment,
not knowing if those hopeful arrangements will be accepted to follow through.
flickering lamps above our strides,
the breeze slaying our words.
fires breaching at arms reach,
the darkness of all the nights crumble between us.
how was i to say without words,
who could interpret us to the world.
you took with you my shame.
terrified i will forget your voice,
trying to mold your image in the haze of my mind.
forging your translucent eyes as you watch my lips tell you of dreams,
warming yourself with each beat.
the trees grew to have you pluck their fruits,
roots entangled atop soil wishing for your rest to be between them.
the earth exuded all that was you.

tricky.
i should have been overcome by this life many moons before.
take the place of a greater being.
i feel nothing in the sense of etching out the light within.
combustion within the nightmares of reality.
replace all that has been and all that will ever be..or that will now, never be.
gratitude for loving me,
spectacle of achievement.
evaporation.
you are once here,
you are then gone.
how was i to tell you,
how are you to ever know.
mouth sewn shut,
hands tied.
my gaze thickens to crimson,
take me with you.
take me back to where we sat,
tell me that story once more.
paint my nails in midnight,
close the door.
breathe me in once more,
save my beating heart from ceasing.
save me from myself,
for with out you,
i am no longer the person i was.
for with out you,
my body wills not.
i wish to be your wings in mid flight,
the gracious sun that falls heavily across your cheeks.
wanting to be the wind whipping through your roughly tousled locks,
knowing your the whisper in my ears..
tell me what to do with these next moments,
again these moments...they are yours.

ailed.

I've been ill.
again ailed with the worries of health.
such a meddling bastard of everyday life.
sore in skin,
confused and smitten with overwhelming lethargy.
tuning my words with every sentence,
syllables frustrated in a method of measured madness.
breathing slows pace,
quenched with rhythmical rest.


today was long. my muscles ache relentlessly.
i have not been thinking much on anything past what i can do to get better. those that surround me seem shallow and static. melting into the norm and the lack of poise becomes overwhelming.
little bees buzzing about metal structures and fixing their fingers in between threads. rotate. every hour you become a zone of strategy, fixing yourself upon a new subject matter.
watching, listening, analyzing many moments each moment of multiple hosting subject matters.

i spoil at times. topping over the level of a sane comfort. the voice of my lips expands at exponential altitudes to where no level of society could put out the fire.

i must rest.

-E. Amelia

Introduction : Beginning of the Sanctuary

there is a first time for everything i suppose.
though everything, is new. no moment the same. all of these events have been lived by people previous to yourself, though you have the chance to make a new stain on the event. become a scratch on the panel of time.
it is mostly what you will find me speaking of..time. either in moments, in love, in breaths, in death, in it all.
it is us. we are time. physical time. the things that show the essence of an idea. eroding, manipulating, creating, evolving.
the ticks and tocks steadily ring on the face of the clock while our inhalations, exhalations, and movements allow us to pass past the imagination of existences glassy surface.

i set up this blog months ago, but as time engulfed itself with meaningless women, stalkers, school, moving away from NYC to be here in Miami, and then landing myself once again in the retail industry (which i swore i would surely commit a heinous form of suicide if ever i came into that lifestyle again) i lost myself. i do not admit to being truly found, nor do i ever believe i will be whole..possibly though if i believe i am full of everything i could muster to dream upon, then i shall be. create my own existence within this existence.
again..with the ponderings' of time and the mind. i can not steer free of them, they are the granules which my feet step upon and the bed i lie my body within at days end.

tonight was drenched with depression, over indulgence, realizations, and a calming of heart. i stumble into these thickly shadowed corners from which i find it hard to step forth from. lengthy moments may pass, while others twitch past me as quickly as a flies scream past the ears. but one good thing has come forth from the drawn on hours...i have decided to begin my first blog. i am not quite sure where to go from here..but i know as time walks the line, i will never be far behind.

-E.Amelia